10 child-inflicted injuries every parent will (probably) experience!

Hands up who has been hurt by their own child?! Parenting is tough at the best of times, but not just emotionally! Physically we take knocks too...quite literally! Last weekend was no exception.... 

I was soundly sleeping on the very edge of the bed, with a space-stealing 2 year old beside me. Then without warning, she sat bolt upright, so I just guided her back down again. Like a yo-yo, she shot up again! This time, before I could lie her down, she threw herself backwards in a fit of annoyance, smacking her (very hard!) head against my lip! OUCH! As I writhed around in agony, she quietly settled herself back to sleep again - it didn't bother her one bit! It wasn't til the morning that I saw what a swollen mess my lip was! Thanks for that one little girl! 

Fat, bruised lip! It had gone down quite a bit by the time I took this!

Common Child-Inflicted Injuries

Here are 10 child-inflicted injuries every parent will (probably) experience, with a few stories from other bloggers for good measure!

1. The Headbutt

These can happen at any moment! You'll be minding your own business one minute, and the next you'll feel like your face has done 10 rounds with David Haye! Kid-head to adult-nose is definitely the worst, as Sarah found out: 

"A wriggly toddler at bedtime and the worst headbutt I’ve received so far! It’s not the first, and surely not the last, but definitely the worst. No one should leave bedtime looking like they’ve been in an actual boxing match!"

A victim of the kid-butt!

Sometimes, these injuries can cost us more than just our pride and patience, as another victim of the headbutt, Elaine's husband, found out:

"My son (who was about 2 at the time) headbutted my husband and knocked his front tooth out! Due to already having a fake one fitted, he had to pay over £2000 for an implant due to complications with the gum! Only for my son to headbutt him a few weeks later...back to the dentist with a wobbly implant! Whoops!"

2. The Eye Gouge

Those little nails can be so sharp can't they? It's like they grow razor sharp talons just to test our strength and endurance! Sometimes, with the lack of sleep and the general stress of being a parent, our reaction times can be a bit on the slow side, meaning we're often not quick enough to dodge those flailing arms! Katy was on the receiving end of a pretty serious eye scratch:

"My daughter scratched my eyeball. I had double vision for ages and had to go to a specialist!!"

3.  The Punch

Frustration takes over every child at some point, and quite often that leads to a lashing out our our expense! Sometimes it's just a misguided flail that lands on you as you try to comfort or protect them, other times it's a well-meant thump! Either way, it's bound to hurt if the little angel hits the right spot! Jen was on the receiving end once, as she explains:

"My son broke my ribs! He has autism and is very strong. He did it age 9 because he was upset and punched me! He broke two ribs and dislocated something but I forget the name of that!"

 4. The Hair Pull

No matter what age your child is, they seem to be attracted to your hair! From that tiny clenched newborn fist full to the more deliberate toddler yank, your hair is not safe! My little boy always used my hair as a comforter while he was nursing; he still likes to stroke it at bedtime and he's 5 now! So I've had my fair share of painful tugs, but thankfully none quite like Sophie:

"My son used to have longish hair and liked stroking and twisting it in his hand whilst he was going to sleep. After he had one of his first haircuts he was distraught as this was one of the ways he liked to settle himself to sleep. I laid down next to him so he could play with my hair instead and he began to drift off. Suddenly a loud train went by and startled him. His hand was caught in my hair and he ripped a good chunk out in his sleepy panic!"

Dads don't get away with it either! In fact, all that chest and underarm hair is just too tempting for some, as Adam tells us:

"The armpit hair grab! Our first regularly used to do this in the middle of the night. Second one doesn't seem to be interested yet thankfully!"

5. The Bite 

The teething stage can be terrifying for parents! When those pearly whites start appearing, kids often can't help but try their new gnashers out on anything and everyone! And once they take hold, sometimes their vice-like grip is very hard to get out of, as poor Care experienced:

"I was on blood thinners for my blood clots right about the teething stage. I was on a pretty high dose and had been warned about going to hospital if I started bleeding (which you never think will happen). Well, my little teether decided he would bite my finger and wouldn’t let go! When he eventually let go, he had only lightly pierced the skin but due to the blood thinners I couldn’t stop bleeding - even with applying pressure!"

Care and the culprit!

"I lost a lot of blood and spent all day at hospital having a blood count to make sure I didn’t need a blood transfusion to replace all the lost blood! Scary but I can laugh now. It’s one of the only times he’s ever bit me too!"

6. The Nipple Cripple

Even being famous doesn't excuse you from this one as ex-AFL player Chris Judd found out! His wife Bec posted an adorable photo of him being nipple crippled by one of their twin sons on her Instagram account not so long ago! Blogger Lynne remembers her child, "Painfully grabbing on and swinging like their life depends on it!" All kids seem to be enticed by them at some point, especially the breastfeeding babies! Both my children often used to feed from one side, and 'drive' with with the other! Ouch!

7. The Kick

If you haven't been on the receiving end of a swift kick from your darling child yet, you soon will be! Whether it be in the shin or in the face, chances are it'll land somewhere that makes you wince in pain! Mid-tantrum or play fighting, not all these kicks are delivered on purpose though as Lianne tells us:

"My son was doing some sofa acrobatics and caught me right between the eyes with his foot and actually broke the skin on the bridge of my nose. I also had mild concussion for a day after it!"

8. The Scooter Shin

There's two parts to this one! The first scooter shinning comes from when your child hasn't learnt to brake yet so they use your shins as a cushion! Yep, it  happens...a lot! Blogger and mum Natalie explains where the second shinning comes from: 

"Dangling a scooter over the push chair handlebars when they've given up riding it - by the time you get to the end of the road... ouch!"

My youngest drove straight into me after I took this!

This normally happens to me within 5 minutes of leaving the house! The half an hour round trip with a swinging pendulum over the pushchair often leaves me with a colourful collection of bruises!

9. The Toy Tornado

Toys are meant to be launched at parents from across the room aren't they?! Why is it our mouths always seem to get it? They must be magnets for the hardest, pointiest toys at the hands our little ones! Hayley and Sarah share their toy-smack-in-the-mouth stories: 

Hayley says,

"My baby hit me in the face with a wooden shaker at Rhythm Time, so hard it knocked my front tooth crown out and I had to spend 2 days gappy and toothless before the dentist would see me!"

Sarah explains,

"My children went through a phase of walking me up in a horrible way! The most painful time though was when they smashed me in the mouth with a plug to wake me up! It was horrible! Haha. Every day for like a week!"

If the playtime missile doesn't hit you in your mouth, it's bound to land somewhere equally as painful, as Aleena tells us:

"I was rudely awoken one morning with a whack to the eye from a Toot Toot Car. I’ll never forget the evil way that car’s stickered face grinned at me as it approached my eye socket! Explaining the black eye was interesting too!"

10. The Wounded Foot

Ever trodden barefoot on a Lego brick or 3? Oh my word, it hurts as much as stubbing your little toe - and we all know how irritatingly painful that is! Stickle Bricks are another foot killer, along with a doll's hairbrush! Watch your step parents... And when your not watching where you tread, beware of little wheels operated by your offspring, and even their own feet! Sarah said, 

"My children never look where they are going and often my toes are in the firing line.. it’s always the baby toe too so it’s extra painful!"

Less-Common (thankfully) Child-Inflicted Injuries

We mustn't forget some of the less common child-inflicted injuries that some poor, unsuspecting parents suffer! Here are a few that will make you grimace...

The Instinctive Lunge

Part of being a parent is having the built in urge to protect your child from danger, even if that means putting yourself in the firing line! Sometimes in the moment, you have to act fast and think later, just like Jessica found herself doing:

"My daughter bounced herself off the bed and was so close to knocking herself out on the bedside table, so I threw myself over the room to catch her. Bear in mind I was nearly 6 months pregnant at the time!!"

Jessica's wounded knee!

The Nose Crack

This is often a serious result of one of those pesky headbutts or toy tornadoes we mentioned earlier, only this time there's broken bones involved! Lisa  was one of the unfortunate ones to hear a terrifying crack:

"My son was always getting in trouble for bouncing on the bed when he was around 18 months. He liked to drop to his bum, and did it one morning when I was laying down with my head on the pillow. Only this time the back of his head hit the bridge of my nose. Ouch! It bled everywhere, and it turned out to be broken. That was a year and a half ago and my poor nose has never been the same."

The Ear Drum Burst

Now this one I always joke about with my kids! You know the one, when your nipper turns into a warbling, screeching pterodactyl and you shout "Stop shrieking or you'll burst my ear drums!" Well, I never though it could actually happen! Emma surprised me with her recollection:

"You know that high pitched little girl scream? The one that goes straight through you? I can't pinpoint the exact time it happened but it literally burst an ear drum. One of the most painful things in my life. Even now my ears feel a bit delicate when I hear that noise and I have to cover my ears up just in case!" 

How many of these injuries have you unwittingly suffered at the hands of a child? I'd love to hear your stories! Why not drop me a comment below so we can all sympathise, or share this post to warn any unsuspecting parents out there of the dangers of bringing up children!

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