- Have I failed my son? Why did I not demand to see a specialist sooner?
- What if it's actually really serious and our lack of pushing for an appointment has harmed him further?
- Why did I just google it when the dermatologist told me not to?
- Can my son afford to wait 3 months for the next appointment to come through? Shall I just find a private paediatrician? How do I even do that?
- What if I don't go private and this is serious? Have we waited too long?
- We've seen a doctor 4 times, was that enough?
- Have I failed my son? Why did I not demand to see a specialist sooner? And so it continues...
Somebody slap me. I need to get a grip.
Let me fill you in on the story so far...
19th December - Spots still there, one is looking scabby. I took photos. Christmas was around the corner and he seemed well in himself. Wasn't too concerned, kids get viral rashes all the time.
|The first few spots.|
It got worse.
|Some of the spots on his front. There were more on his back.|
I wasn't convinced but as he was so well otherwise, I decided to let time pass and see what happened. He was allowed to go to school as normal, but by now the teachers had noticed and were a little worried about infection themselves.
A few months passed. The spots seemed to disappear very gradually, then new ones would appear in a different place. He began to get a few on his neck and the odd one or two on his upper arm and thigh. Still, the doctor had told us that it was a waiting game. So we trust them don't we? They are the experts after all, and despite having to have some antibiotics for an ear infection in March, S remained fit and well.
By mid-May the spots had started to spread again so I made a doctor's appointment with the same doctor as before for continuity. We had a 3 week wait. The 27th finally came around and the doctor had another look. He decided that now, it looked a little dry so treated it as if it were a skin complaint such as eczema. We were prescribed some topical cream and a steroid cream. I still wasn't convinced, so took the decision to stop using the steroid after 2 weeks as there was absolutely no change. All the other cream did was give him softer skin but still, his rash persisted.
June came and went. The rash didn't. S was having a swimming party at the end of July and by now, he was conscious that he looked different, and he didn't want people to think he was infectious! If any body asked what was wrong with his skin, he got all defensive and said, "The doctor doesn't know yet but it's NOT chicken pox!" Bless him. Enough was enough. I booked another appointment (again for 3 weeks time!) and we waited.
On the 9th July, we explained our story to another doctor. He took one look at S's rash, then my face and before I could say anything else, he said he would write us a referral to a dermatologist straight away! I breathed a huge sigh of relief and thanked him, as I'd gone in there ready to demand this anyway! He told me I was right to stop using the steroid cream, and there was no harm in continuing with the other cream as it was at least making his skin lovely and soft! Although he didn't really think it was helping the condition.
|What the photo doesn't show is all the new spots under the surface. |
In a few days, they'd be red and raised too.
The doctor was really thorough, asking questions about the history of the rash and whether he had any allergies. He inspected a lot of the spots with his magnifying tool and had a really good look at S. I held my breath. This was the moment we'd waited 8 months for - a diagnosis. A name for the condition. A specific treatment or cure.
No such luck.
All the doctor could tell me was that is WASN'T a rash! The red spots and subsequent scabs were burst blood vessels under the skin! Something was happening inside my boy to make these marks appear. It obviously wasn't infectious because R hasn't developed it. And that's all he could tell me. That, and "don't Google it."
Which of course, I did.
And he's right. There are so many things that could be causing this. I wish I hadn't looked because now my mind is going 10 to the dozen, thinking the worst. Our saving grace is that S is otherwise fit and well. He's a healthy, happy boy and that's what I need to focus on.
So what's next?
I don't want to fail our son. I just want to find out what is happening and why. And I just wish he didn't have to wait any longer. I was told to try not to worry but that's a parent's prerogative. I am worried. Worried sick. I really shouldn't have Googled it!
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why I've written this post. I'm not sure what I'm trying to achieve by it. But it's made me feel a little better getting it all out! Maybe I can look back at it tomorrow with fresh eyes, and consider our next steps. What's best for our son. Here's hoping our appointments come through as quick as possible and we get a diagnosis soon.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!
One worried Mummy,
Finding joy in the little things: I like to end all my posts (where it fits) with a positive thought, however small! Today both children fell asleep in the car on the way home from the appointment - blissfully aware of the stress and worry of the situation! It gave me a much needed hour of peace and quiet to gather my thoughts, have a cuppa and generally calm down a little bit!
I'm linking up this post with these fabulous blogs: